I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
