i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
