i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
