dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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