I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize