I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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