he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
