think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
