My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
