if i can run in heels then i can drive
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
