tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
