Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
