1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
