I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
