Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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