I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
