Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
