I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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