If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
