Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Randomize
