I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
