the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
