My room smells like vodka and shame
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
