She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
