These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
