Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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