we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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