did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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