your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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