I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
