While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
