Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
