how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
