I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
