Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
do nipples grow back?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
