Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
