I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize