She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
