when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
