a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize