also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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