My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
