I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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