I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
