I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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