Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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