We're facebook friends in real life
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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