a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He kissed a someone with a penis
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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