I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize