Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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