I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
