I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
