K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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