Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
