i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Randomize
