Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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