In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
