We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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