Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
