Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
