the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
People in love make me want to vomit
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
