Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well I just put wine in my tea
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
