her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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