I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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