It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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