Where is the hickey?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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