I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
