now i know why i became what i already was.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Terrible idea I love it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
