best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
