When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
